Warning: Total stream of consciousness post. Just clearing my head.
I miss blogging, but time is so valuable these days! I haven't been here blogging, because my "spare time" (ha-ha) on the computer has been spent creating family photo albums on Shutterfly. I have finally switched everything to Shutterfly and I am doing all of my albums on there instead of the old way - ordering prints, putting them in albums, and writing captions. So, over the past month or two I have gone back to January 2012 and worked my way forward. Yesterday I finally caught up!
So, today I sit here. Just finished my quiet time. Mickey Mouse Club House playing. I am sipping coffee. Ava Grace is running around in her footie Pjs half watching tv and half playing baby. It's snowing outside (yes, you read that correctly). I'm snuggled and warm and have no where to be until 2:00. Great time to blog, right? Yes. I think so. But then I also think it's a great time to read my magazines that are piling up. It's the perfect time to do a load of dishes and start some laundry. It's the perfect day to "catch up" and I need to go to the grocery store. I could put up the fall decorations and start getting out some Christmas stuff. It's a great morning for story books and puzzles in the "fort" with Ava Grace. It's cold and good time to snuggle and watch a movie with her too! My mind quickly gets clouded with all the want-to's and the have-to's and it is so hard to choose. (...and I'm thankful to have so many choices. That in and of itself is an amazing blessing.)
Confession: Most days the only thing on the list above that actually gets done is meal preparations, a few dishes and a load of laundry if we are lucky. I spend much more time playing kitchen, baby, working puzzles, reading story books, and pretending that we are zoo animals than I do cleaning, catching up, or... blogging... obviously. Sometimes I let a little guilt creep in and think of what I "should" do with my time, but then I try to always remind myself that I have never heard a parent say, "I wish I had spent more time cleaning and less time playing..." or "I wish I had spent more time at work..." So maybe I am doing okay.
In the light of our miscarriage last week, I find that a bit of the cloudiness has cleared. I feel reflective. I feel the need to simplify. Our family stays way too busy and spread way to thin. We need to be home more. Play more. Go less. This weekend while I recouped from the procedure Friday, we stayed home. My Mama was here to help - it was so nice having her here to just be with us. Chris had to take care of some things Saturday, but other than that we all spent the entire weekend at home in our PJs. The girls played, we relaxed and watched a good mix of Christmas movies and football. We all took naps (except for Lily, of course), and it was peaceful. We need more peaceful and less... well... less of a lot! Less stuff, less obligation, less self-inflicted pressure.
So I guess today the answer to the question "to blog or not to blog" was... blog. Just a record of my thoughts. Not perfect or proofread or written in one sitting (in the process of this post we have had a doughnut and chocolate milk (and more coffee for me) - total indulge... taken baby for a stroller ride... changed clothes... and played in the "snow" on the deck - she couldn't resist). I think my goal this week is to take each day one at a time and to just be. Just be me. Take care of what is most important and not worry too much about what doesn't get done. Maybe I'll blog again this week.... but if I don't I won't let myself feel conflicted about it. We'll just wait and see.