Solitude

Do you ever just need a little time to yourself?

I have always been pretty independent.  Half way through college I moved from my apartment with Lauren into a house.  By myself.  (She moved to a house as well.)  I don't remember even thinking it was unusual or feeling alone.  I guess those first few nights were sketchy... hearing strange noises and learning the shadows of a new place.  I have always enjoyed a little bit of solitude though.  Don't get my wrong... I am a people person.  A social butterfly.  I love doing things with friends and family.  I love going out to watch a ball game at a loud sports bar with cheering fans and cold beverages, going to the park with giggly squealing kiddos and mommies and daddies watching from the shade talking and laughing and responding to "Hey, Mom! Watch this!" and kissing boo boos... I like having a house full of kids playing, or grown ups watching a game or playing games on game night, or just sitting around chattering about work and kids and life.  I love holiday get togethers when the host's home is nearly bursting at the seams!

I thought staying home I might get too much solitude.  Not enough adult conversation.  Too little contact.  I thought I might go stir crazy, be desperate to get out of the house... something like that.  Instead I find myself busier than ever and wishing for a moment to myself.  It turns out, being home with an 8 month old doesn't afford the solitude I had thought.  We go to Murfreesboro on most "game nights" with Chris - life of a coach's wife and I like love it.  We go to a Mom's group on Wednesdays so I can talk with other Mama's and Ava Grace can play with other kiddos in the nursery.  We keep the road hot taking Lily to and from school and activities.  When we are home, we are busy.  Ava Grace and I are cleaning, cooking, and doing laundry some and playing, reading, and laughing a lot.  It's a busy life.  One that can be overwhelmingly great and overwhelmingly busy!  If I let myself think about all that does not get done, or all the "wish I had time to's," or if I look around to a toy filled living room and crumb filled kitchen on a day I felt like I did lots of cleaning, I am often overwhelmed and puzzled at where all the time goes.

Sometimes in the midst of the busy... the kids and the family I love so much and the friends I wish I got to see more, I just find myself desperate for a moment to myself.  It almost sneaks up on me.  In the busy I forget that underlying need until it builds up to something necessary and vital to my ability to be a good mommy and wife!  It shows up at odd time and a sudden urge that prompts me to say to Chris, "I just really really need to go to Starbucks!!"  To which he always lovingly replies, "Go" with a smile and a hug.

It might sound crazy, but this is where I get my me-time.  My solitude.  It's not absent from noise or people, it's even sometimes crowded and loud, but my solitude happens here.  My solitude is found at a table in the corner at the Starbucks in Gallatin, TN, just a short 10 minute drive from our home.  Chris stays home with the girls to play games, watch shows, and snuggle on the couch.  I go recharge.  I bring this silly computer and spend a couple moments hours looking at my pictures, reading and writing blog posts, browsing through pinterest boards, and thinking about... everything and nothing.  I sip my favorite drink, the same one every time, while the music plays just a little too loud out of the speaker above my head, baristas bang, the machines swoosh, gurgle, and hiss, and people laugh and talk.  It is to all of this noise and commotion that I find quiet and peace while my thoughts and caramel macchiato warm me up from the inside out and wash my cares away!

Where is your favorite place for solitude?
Where do you get "me-time?"